Adjectives

"Distinguished". "Rugged". "Grizzle". "Adams". All words used to describe me in the recent weeks. Personally, I feel "tenured" and "professor" are starting to foot the bill. Even with all the wonderful descriptors that have been developed recently, nothing profound has yet to happen.  I'm waiting on that skinny-girl-in-a-fat-suit moment.  That moment when I realise that people are starting to look at me a little differently.  Perhaps they are and I just haven't noticed yet.  Perhaps our culture has been supplanted by that of the hipster and I'm just blending in.  (As much as it pains my vanity I hope for the former.  My Brooks Brothers wardrobe could not abide the latter.) 

Extrapolations

Just a few days ago I took a pair of tweezers to my face.  The hair I painlessly extracted was blonde and approximately .8cm in length (not including the root).  After a little quick mathematics I've estimated that my beard length at year's end should be about 22.5cm (8.9in) - that's 18.7cm (7.4in) by Halloween.  So I guess my Patsy and Edina costume with Luke is out - Uni-bomber or Wizard it is.  I'm erring on the side of wizard - glitter cape.


Additionally, I'll need to make some changes to my morning routine.  Brushing my teeth will need to take place before I shower so that I may ensure that all the toothpaste is washed out of my beard.  I'll also need to start using shampoo - on the up side I'll be spending less money on pore refining facial cleansers and SPF 15 multi-vitamin alpha hydroxy moisturisers.

One Week Down

The end of week one and it looks like I've been on vacation and too lazy to shave.  My neck beard is much longer than I would normally tolerate and a halo is beginning to form around my head - I may need to look into some Rogaine Foam.  Conversely, my facial hair is a little shorter than I normally keep it.


It won't be long before I look like some unholy combination of Riff Raff, Joaquin Phoenix, and Dusty Hill.