Close Calls

A look of panic swept across my hairy face when a friend recently told me that I had mashed potatoes in my beard. I grabbed the closest paper napkin and hurriedly attempted to remove all traces of the intruding tubers. Confident that the offending spuds had been vanquished I returned to my meal only to realise that a cheap paper napkin -- when scrubbed vigorously against facial hair -- leaves it's own curse - paper shrapnel. A vision of a near future in which I eat all of my meals through a straw enters my head.


Moments later I was also informed -- mid-application -- that peppermint lip balm dries out your lips. I'll miss that tingly bastard. 


I've learned a few other this week: shampoo in the eye burns and no one says "crème rinse" any more. (The latter may not be entirely true as I have been informed that a friend's grandmother is still actively using crème rinse.)